I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
