is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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