Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
