I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
