I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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