he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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