We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
