Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
