I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
