I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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