i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
