Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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