Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
