There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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