Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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