that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and she was petting her beer can
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize