Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize