Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
