the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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