I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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