I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
