she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize