btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
