I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize