U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
