Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize