Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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