i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
