my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
