Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize