its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
