I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
