OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
