i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
