Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
