I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
