is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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