Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
