Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
