i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
