i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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