i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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