Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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