This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
