those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
