I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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