it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
