I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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