I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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