Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
