Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
