just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
