A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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