it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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