and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize