flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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