DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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