She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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