just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
