what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
