I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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