Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
