Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
being pregnant is like rehab
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
