his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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