For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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