I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
