U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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