I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
